she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
