i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
