I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
