I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
