I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
