I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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