he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
