Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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