so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
