Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
