i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I pour the whiskey from now on
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Randomize
