things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
