Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
