I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
