I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
