omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
3 2 1 whiskey
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
