I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He passed out mid-signature
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
