i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
