..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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