if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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