Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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