i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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