hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
