I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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