have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
I did not marry a roomba.
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