so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
