I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
