they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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