so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
