i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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