I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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