it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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