Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
