my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
