I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
