Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
