i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
