Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
