CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
