Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
