Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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