it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
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