I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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