how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
