break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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