I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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