omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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