i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
