If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
