Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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