Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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