If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
